Entry #6: Now I Am An Athiest(Challenging of a Belief)

When I was a real small child, I was raised to be a catholic. My parents weren't particularly religious, but my Grandma sure as heck was, as was my uncle. Whenever Grandma was over for Easter, or Christmas, even though we normally wouldn't go to mass, she kind of forced us, and I don't think any of us were particularly happy about it, granted, for a long period of time we did go to Church every Sunday, but thankfully that stopped pretty quickly. Now, part of that Catholic upbringing included Religious Education, which, ironically, is the reason I realized I didn't believe in Catholicism.

Now, I'm going to preface the rest of the blog entry with this: THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING CATHOLIC OR ANY OTHER RELIGION. I am simply stating the facts that led me to my eventual rise into Atheism.

Now, prior to Religious Ed, I hadn't really read much of the Bible, but during Religious Ed, I started to notice beliefs that were quite frankly really disturbing. For example, the tale of Abraham, who God asked to sacrifice his son, AND HE ALMOST DID IT, if not for the fact that an Angel then told him not to. That was one of the first stories that had me a bit on the fence. And then there was the whole "praise God above all else" thing, but if you look at many aspects of the Bible, you realize that God is kind of a terrible individual, committing attempted genocide multiple times. (See: Noah's Ark) And also, the existence of a supreme being with the kind of powers that God is purported to have is, in my opinion, ridiculous. There are also several paradoxes, as one of the Ten Commandments is "Thou Shalt Not Kill" and while Jesus did, according to the Bible teach that killing was real bad, among other things, there are several stories (David and Goliath, the story of Abraham) in which Killing, or willingness to kill(usually in the name of God) is not only acceptable, BUT THE MAIN POINT OF THE STORY.

For these reasons, among others, I am no longer a Catholic, nor do I want to be a Catholic, or a member of any religion. I am perfectly content with being Eric Lasko, Athiest Extraordinaire.

Entry #5: Of Modern Masters and Magic(Incident of Failure)

Very recently, on May 22nd to be precise, a set of Magic: The Gathering called Modern Masters 2015 Edition was released. I had been incredibly excited about the set, and in particular, my local Game/Comic Store's (http://octobercountrycomics.com/) draft of the set. What a draft is, is a limited format where you can only use cards opened from packs of the set that you receive at the event(to simplify it drastically) to make a deck and play a tournament. Now, when we had received our cards, I thought I had a great pool, as I opened up enough in rares/foil cards to pay for my draft, as well as some other very playable cards! But alas, it wasn't enough.
Every round, you could feel the determination and effort emanating from my playing, and yet in the first round, I was wrecked by a control deck, which shut me down and made it so I couldn't play any of my cards(man, for a new kid he was really good!) Second round, Theo, the tournament organizer destroyed me with a deck of elementals and sorceries.(For those new to magic, what this means is that he played a lot of big creatures to take away my life, as well as spells to make them more powerful) Third round, I played Charlie, the deserter, whose losses drive him from the draft early(ruining many people's records) but this time he decided to stay for third round, and he beat me bad, much to my chagrin. I ended up winning round 4 (against a little kid who didn't quite understand the rules of the game), but it didn't really help. I was utterly defeated, and down in the dumps, though I wore happiness like a mask, deflecting worries and fears.

But this night taught me something. It's just a game, and I shouldn't let losing drag me down. I should lose with a smile and shake my opponent's hand and tell them "good games" and get ready for the next round. I also learned to not be so cocky with my pulls. I had a good pool overall, but not enough creatures to pull the kind of assault I was going for, and it ended up biting me in the butt in the end. Hopefully, next draft I'll learn from my mistakes, and go in with a better attitude and better foresight when I pick my pulls, in order to achieve a better balance.

Now, after hearing this story, do you want to play Magic: The Gathering? Or more specifically, do you want to learn how to draft? If so, here's how you too can draft! http://www.gatheringmagic.com/melissadetora-041212-a-beginners-guide-to-drafting/
http://www.ehow.com/how_2090329_play-magic-gathering.html

And if you do already game, please don't forget to support your local game store instead of that big box store in the mall! You can't play Magic at Target or Walmart.

Entry #4: Questions and Answers

Recently, there have been some important questions in my life, and I'm still not sure if I've finished answering them, but here are the answers that I have so far.

Q. Who am I?
A. I am a storyteller. I am a writer, I am a reader, I am a student. I am swordsman of unrivaled skill(except by everyone else) and I am a Wizard! I am a superhero, and I am a supervillain. I am everything within me when I write, and when I read. I am just as much my stories as I am a person, for without the stories within my brain, there is truly no me.

Q. Do I matter, if so how?
A. For the longest time, I refused to believe that I matter, up through recently. But, I've been thinking and talking to people and I've realized that I do. There are people who care about me, and want me to be ok- no, need me to be ok. Additionally, there are people who I have managed to make happy with my nerdy knowledge, my stories, and the strange yet wonderful ideas packed into my mind. I matter because other people want or need me, and because there are people I can make smile. I may not be the next great American Author, or the Lawyer of the Century, but I know that since I have impacted one life, I matter, because the power to change a life is the power to change the world.

Q. Why am I alive?
A. I am alive completely by chance. I won the lottery, and the prize is life! A chance to be, and to love, and to live, and to hope and to fear, and I feel lucky to have the gift the universe has given me, for there to be an Eric Lasko, and for there to be people I love.

Q. Do I want to be alive?
A. For the longest time, I haven't been too sure, if I'm being completely honest. But I've made my decision. I'm here, and I want to live, even if it's for others, and not for me. I'm not often happy, and I may experience sadness more than half of my time alive, but that being said, life is beautiful, and the world is a beautiful place, and I want to be here for as long as I can, telling stories, reading comics, and watching Doctor Who. That being said, it is a struggle, with every step I take being a battle, and every day a war. Between my depression and anxiety, as much as I want to be alive, there are times when it feels impossible. I will keep fighting though, until at last all my wars are over, and every demon smote.

Entry #3: Ashokan, and How it Broke My Heart; Or, How Realms Never Change (Significant place)

The Ashokan Center in Olivebridge, New York is a beautiful and special place. It's a place where once upon a time The Wayfinder Experience held court, or, to be more precise, camp. It had a field full of shadows and trees, and enough dirt for a farm. But, it had beauty in a mundane way, at least in the outer region. In the woods however, reality was irrelevant. There was a small waterfall area that we referred to as the Mermaid Lagoon, where the cascading water, as small-scale as it was, to us, rivaled the beauty of Niagara Falls. And a Baseball Field, that with a simple gate, could become the doorway to death. Ashokan was our stomping ground, with every sight a memory. There's the old bunkhouse, where Skylar Osherow threw an apple through the door, or the wobbly bridge where I thought I was going to die. (Believe you me, at night, when you're running from monsters or enemy soldiers, that bridge is the most terrifying place to be. And sometimes, that real terror is what makes the adventure more powerful.) You may wonder what Adventure I'm referring to. Well, for three years of my life, at Wayfinder camps, Ashokan is where I played adventure games, or Live Action Roleplaying, where we get characters and play immersive games where we fight monsters, and be heroes, among other things. So for three years, Ashokan was my lifeline during the summer, a life raft from the hell of school. But alas, all good things come to an end.

After the winter of 2012, the Ashokan center finished the construction of their new facilities. And due to these new buildings, they were allowed to charge more money, more than Wayfinder was willing to pay, as the cost of camp would go up. And so, in the summer of 2013, we had a forced exodus to The Presbyterian Center in Holmes New York. And while it is absolutely beautiful in it's own right, it's no Ashokan. It's lake is definitely more beautiful and less lack-luster than Ashokan's(albeit still disgusting), and it's got some nice fields, overall, it's just a place, whereas Ashokan was an experience, fantasy brought to life! But finally, after two years of sorrow, and mourning the loss of Ashokan, the dream was resurrected. For Wayfinder's 2014 Winter Game, we returned to Ashokan. It was drastically different, and unrecognizable at first, but when we went down to the pavilion where we used to get our characters, I remembered the magic that was Ashokan. I was home. Because home is where the memories are, and where the people who mean the most to you are. And while we're not returning to Ashokan this summer, I have hope for the future, that maybe one day, we will come back permanently, and our return will be glorious, and Wayfinder will be home.

That being said, even though things have changed, and the winds blow just a little faster, and the lower part of Ashokan where our bunkhouses were has been claimed by New York State, I still dream of Ashokan. I still dream of old Ashokan, and strangely enough, I still dream of New Ashokan, the land I only visited briefly, the land I wish to meet again, and the land I hope to play many glorious Adventure Games on, and to make new memories on, because with the passage of time, the more things change, the more they truly stay the same. Such is the unspoken law of humanity. And so, just as Ashokan has changed, it is truly still the land where the awestruck 12-year old boy played a robotic lumberjack.

 A video of the Wiggly Bridge in the day time. It may not look scary now, BUT TRUST ME, IT IS TERRIFYING.

Entry #2: How Superman Saved My Life

So, for the past several years, I've been dealing with depression, and I've been dealing with it real bad. Days on end of not having the ability to do anything more than get up, eat, and watch TV. Not being able to do homework because I just couldn't force myself to do it. It's getting better, but it still happens now and again.

I have been a fan of Superman for as long as I can remember, particularly because of Superman: The Animated Series, but also because of the comics. I was going through one of my particularly awful bouts of inactivity, where for three days I didn't leave my couch except for food and water, and to use the bathroom, when I decided to watch some episodes of Superman: The Animated Series, as I had nothing better to do. For those unaware of what he is aside from his appearance, and maybe his powers, Superman is a beacon of the importance of life. He always chooses life, no matter how hard he has to fight to ensure that life is preserved. While any particular moment escapes me, while watching my mini-marathon, several key moments from the show merged in order to show me something: I wanted to live, and I wanted to keep on fighting, and not give in to the plague ailing me. And to this day, I will always defend Superman when people call him a "lame hero" or "f*$kboy" because he's taught me to always choose life, and that something isn't beautiful because it lasts(to quote The Vision from Avengers: Age of Ultron) but it's better to make it last just a little while longer, then to let it fade quickly.
So thanks for reading this little blog about a nerd with issues, and always remember: Always choose life, and don't forget to ask for help when you need it, even if it comes from something as simple as watching a cartoon about a man in a silly outfit who saves people from robots and billionaires.

Entry #1: Green Fists and Men in Tights(Early Memory)

I don't really remember a whole lot of my early childhood anymore. At this point, it's all just a blur of cartoons, and comic books; of Gameboys and bullies. But that being said, I'll never forget one moment that may seem insignificant to most, but to me was a turning point.

When exactly it happened has been lost on me, but happen it did. When I was a young child, my aunt Pattie and uncle Tony(as well as my own parents) bought me a pair of Hulk Fists for my birthday. They were these big dumb green foam fists that made a sound effect of the Hulk roaring whenever they hit something. They might've been a movie tie-in for some new attempt at bringing the green giant to the screen, but I have no idea. All I remember was the sheer joy they brought me whenever I would hit something and I heard that "ROAR!" And with the pair my parents had given me, my friends and I could fight with them. (As safely as children can do, of course.) I loved those fists, and for a time, they were my world, the fantasy bait of every small child, who just wanted to be something more than they already were. But, all good things come to an end, and as of late, they don't work anymore. But I still have at least on pair, and now and then they find their way to my hands, just to recreate the memories of a childhood left behind.

Now, you may wonder, what kind of a turning point is a pair of green fists? Well, good question. It was not the fists themselves, but what they inspired. I had always loved superheroes through movies, or cartoons, or video games, or any other number of mediums, but up to that point, I had never really explored comic books. But something about that pair of dumb foam fists caused me to go to my local comic shop and to pick up comics. I had probably purchased some before, but never in any large quantity or with any regularity. But then, I found myself enthralled by Men of Steel, and Caped Crusaders, and any number of men and women in colorful costumes with amazing powers, or trickery of any kind. Those heroes have been the guiding light in an otherwise dark period of my life, and those green fists are how I got to the point I am at today. And seeing those heroes light up the silver screen has given me the strength to rise up above my problems, to live another day, and to fight on, like a Hulk.

So, thank you Aunt Pattie and Uncle Tony. Thanks mum and dad. I hope those fists were as great a monetary investment for you as they were an emotional investment to me.